A Mommy in Brazil

I knew it would happen, I just knew.

Even before I got to bed I could feel it, that familiar feeling that wouldn’t let me sleep at night. Even though I knew it would happen I tried to fool myself and went to bed like I wasn’t feeling anything at all. I laid there for a while, squeezing my pillow, tossing and turning.

It was the thinking that was keeping me awake. The planning. This is an old friend of mine and he’s got me in his grip only that this time I felt it wouldn’t be the same. I felt it was time for a change. As I was lying there I kept thinking to myself “what time is it?” “Can I put on the computer to write just a little bit? Just a tiny little bit?” Of course I kept saying to myself to stop being so silly and go back to sleep.

It was impossible and before I could stop myself my body had risen and I was up in the living room. It was 11.45 pm, or 23,46 it you will. I could hear the neighbor’s dogs barking and before turning on the lights I hide myself behind the curtain looking at why they were barking. The cautious side of me told me to not turn on the light until I was sure they weren’t barking at someone on the street. There was no one on the street but a few dogs who were strolling around outside my gate to try and impress one of my female dogs “Jade”. This little experience served to know not to let her out or their will be little puppies here soon and we do not want that to happen.

I finally turned on the lights and did what I’ve done a dozen times, took out a pen and paper and started jotting down my ideas. I was thinking to myself how this could be different as I’ve done this a dozen times to no result, but I continued and after an hour I had three A4 full of ideas and plans. And this time I did something I’ve never done before: I put it up beside my desk as a reminder of what I need to do and want to do. It’s not only about what I need to do, it’s about what I want to do.

Oh what plans do you wonder? Just the usual thousands ideas of blogging and business… I am very good at brainstorming I can tell you! Need someone to brainstorm ideas with I can probably help you a long way.lol
And today I feel so good, I decided not to start writing after I had made my plans, but instead go to sleep. I fell asleep like a baby and slept the whole night without trouble. OWnderful feeling.

If you are struggling with something my advice is to pray about it and wait for the answer. If you are not the praying type, and not everyone is, then sit still for some time and think through what to do. Allow yourself the time it takes to form the plans and decisions you need to make. It can take a long time, but it will be worth it.